If loneliness describes your state of being today, then take heart. There is a way out, not immediately, but in due time. In God’s time. And in the meantime, here are four ways to make the most of your loneliness.
One of the most frustrating parts about being lonely is putting in your best effort to change your circumstances, praying to God fervently, and still seeing no results. Or at least, not any desired results. Then you do the same thing over again, act, pray, and wait. Nothing, or nothing good. Rinse and repeat until you want to throw in the towel altogether. Then you remember, you’re lonely and you want to change that.
You need to change that, desperation tells you.
Most, if not all of us, will experience loneliness before we die. Whether we are literally by ourselves, or feeling alone with a group of people, loneliness occurs when our desire for connection doesn’t match our reality.
What we must remember is that though we are lonely, we are never alone.
If loneliness describes your state of being today, then take heart. There is a way out, not immediately, but in due time. In God’s time. And in the meantime, here are 4 ways to make the most of your loneliness.
1. Connect with God
When that feeling sets in, what is the first place you turn to for support? Ideally, the answer for all of us should be God. There is no one else more equipped or who cares for us as much as the Lord, though, admittedly, turning to Him doesn’t always come naturally.
If we pray for loneliness to end, and it doesn’t, why keep praying?
This perspective ignores the fact that despite God not acting when we want, that doesn’t mean He won’t act at all. A delay is not a denial.
The better perspective acknowledges that praying can indeed help fill the void. God can satisfy our longing through human relationships, but also through Himself. Seeking God gives us company, and a sure and steady outlet for communicating our frustrations. Sometimes we lack meaningful relationships where we can be vulnerable, and sometimes people just aren’t around. On the contrary, God is always available, around the clock. That’s how much He loves us.
If we remembered this truth, maybe then we would realize God is enough for us to be content in any season.
2. Connect with Others
Connecting with God while in a bout of loneliness is not a guaranteed fix for the situation. Though we may want out of the loneliness, that may not be God’s plan. Furthermore, simply saying that a relationship with God is enough to never again feel that way again is untrue. He designed us for relationships with one another. When He made Adam, God said, “It is not good for man to be alone” (Genesis 2:18). That same logic applies to us today.
Much like loneliness drives us to fill the void with God, we can use that drive to connect with other people as well. Being lonely because we are unmarried is motivation to date. Feeling lonely for lack of friendships is motivation to find new friends.
Not all of our efforts will manifest into desires fulfilled, but by trying we can keep our spirits high, our faith strong, and put ourselves in a position to make things happen. Sure, we could simply pray, but what is faith without putting in some effort along with our prayers?
3. Reassess Ourselves
Are you lonely because of circumstances that happened to you or because of circumstances that you brought upon yourself? What may seem like a harsh question can be fruitful for those of us who don’t often take time to reflect. That's what a season of loneliness can be if we make the most of the experience.
When Job suffered for what was presumably years, death in his family, a loss of property, and not being properly supported by friends, he had plenty of time to ponder life’s deepest questions. And ponder he did. He questioned God and even his own existence. In the end, Job deepened his faith and saw the Lord in a way he had not before.
On the other hand, when we don’t think deeply about life, we risk running into the same problems, or worse, creating new ones. One lonely woman experiencing issues in her marriage sought insight from a myriad of people, not to get advice on how to improve what was wrong, but rather to get affirmation for the decision she wanted to make. Most people gave her that affirmation, and ultimately, she made the decision. Today, that woman is lonelier than before, struggling to raise two teenage boys through shared custody, one of which developed an anxiety disorder after the divorce.
Loneliness is not always something to avoid, but where possible, we should do our best to avoid making life any more difficult.
4. Prepare for the Future
The lonely season can undoubtedly be a great time for preparation. When we experience loneliness, we are feeling the effects of something we lack. When we focus solely on what we lack, we easily lose hope for what comes tomorrow.
Ask yourself, where do you want to be when what you long for manifests?
Our woes may seem great, and maybe they are, but if we focus solely on what we see now, we won’t be ready for what comes next.
There are times when I’m tempted to just sit back, sulk, maybe watch television and sulk some more, waiting for something to happen in my life, anything to change my lonely circumstances. However, when I take the time to serve others, read, write, whenever I do something productive with my time, I ponder less on the loneliness. I focus less on what I am going through, and think more about what God can do through me. That’s not to say the lonely feeling doesn't come back, but with my focus on something else, I can continue to grow while I wait for things to change.
With a change in perspective, you can do the same.
Lonely Days Are Gone
One day, loneliness will become a thing of the past, in this life or the next. While we remain here on Earth, there’s always a chance we will once again find ourselves saddled with the familiar, sinking feeling. But when such a day comes, we would do well to remember that if loneliness came to an end before, loneliness can come to end again.
In this world, Jesus promised we would encounter troubles, but He also promised to stay with us today, and every day forevermore (John 16:33).
Even when we feel lonely, we are never alone.
Photo Credit: Anthony Tran/Unsplash
Get in touch at aarondanthony.com and check out his short story “Serenity.”
