... the truth of the matter is your teen needs you to fight for them! So, get your game face on and fight with tactics the devil will never see coming!
Lord, we need help. Please intervene. Do something. We need Your strength. We don’t know what to do or how to help her. We can't live like this. We so desperately need You. Our daughter needs You. Give us wisdom. A glimmer of hope. Just help us. Please…
My husband and I don’t claim to be perfect parents by any means; we have our fair share of struggles, but we have tried our best to make our home centered around the gospel. We have infused the love of Jesus into each of our three daughters. We have made church a priority and are actively involved in the youth ministry. We have modeled a marriage that shows honor and respect. Faith and family have been our sole focus.
Basically, we tried to do all the right things, loving out loud and living on prayer. But it wasn’t enough. Rather, we aren’t enough because here we are, waging a war we can’t seem to win.
In all honesty, this journey has been a real sucker punch to my momma’s heart. I’m not going to sugarcoat it. It has been filled with actions that have blindsided me, causing so much hurt, betrayal, and utter shame that I have become a mom I don’t even recognize anymore.
Your Teen Needs You to Keep Fighting
I’m assuming you didn’t land her by chance. Maybe you look in the mirror and question where you went wrong too. Oh, how my heart truly goes out to you. I know how the questions flood your mind, and your heart feels as if it’s been severed by a dull knife.
But, if I can give you just a brief glimmer of hope today, it is this – hurting and struggling teenagers can come from good families, and good mommas too. There really is no discrimination.
So, yes, you are under attack, but this isn’t an attack on your motherhood or parenting style. Satan would love you to believe that because it distracts you from his ultimate motive. While Satan has it out for your whole family, and is in the business of undoing mothers, his deceitful plan is to get to the heart of your teen. Your teen is the target!
Please don’t give up! I know this fight is exhausting. I’m in it with you, but the truth of the matter is your teen needs you to fight for them! So, get your game face on and fight with tactics the devil will never see coming!
Recognize the Signs of Concern
Before you go into full-blown battle mode, first see if it is indeed warranted. While we all want to fight for our children, some battles just aren’t worth fighting. Remember the meltdown on the kitchen floor when they were two years old, and they couldn’t decide if they should wear red shoes or blue shoes? Yep! That was a battle not worth fighting, and they wore one of each color. Well, the same rules apply here. We need to discover if your teen is showing typical behavior or something that should truly bring concern.
Yes, it can be truly aggravating that it takes three days for your teen to fold their laundry, then they misplaced their wallet, blare music until midnight, and have more mood swings than your testy cat, but these are pretty standard and “normal” behaviors of a teen. They can also tend to be risk-takers, question authority, forget to do their homework, and then sweetly ask if their friends can come hang out at the house as they raid your pantry. While they may be absent-minded and a bit irresponsible, and even have questionable behavior, it is all par for the course.
It’s when their behavior becomes manipulative, sneaky, or rebellious that should cause the alarms to go off. When you begin to see extreme changes in behavior that come with disregard to family rules, breaking curfews, disrespect to family or other’s belongings, isolation and retreating for long periods of time, addictions, angry outbursts, use of profanity, loss of previous interests, slipping of grades, entertaining unhealthy friendships, irregular sleeping and eating patterns, or little to no lack of motivation, that’s when you must pause and seek to learn more here!
While this list isn’t inclusive and all teens vary in their words, deeds, and actions, you have a momma intuition for a reason, so heed it. That means if something feels “off,” dig a little and try to understand why. Ask the tough questions and see how they respond.
Just remember to keep praying earnestly for insight, and take heart, because if you are here, you are in battle now. And no, it’s not just with your child (Ephesians 6:12). Just as Satan attacks good moms, he attacks good kids too!
Seek Help for Yourself—First
This subject matter isn’t easy to talk about, and it is truly heartbreaking to watch your teen struggling. I get it. It can do quite a number on a momma’s heart. Sadly, over time, that corrosion chips away, and even good moms entertain and begin to believe the lie that they are failures or that they somehow messed up along the way.
Which is why it is even more important to have a safe place to land when times get tough. We need loving guidance and direction and to be able to share our struggles in order to get the help we really need. In all transparency, if we don’t seek wise counsel (Proverbs 1:5), this can cause devastating consequences and put a strain on not just the relationship with our child, but with our spouse, family members, friends, and even God.
It’s humbling, but we must admit when we are not okay, not enough, and even failing. It’s also okay to step out in faith and say we need help. Reach out to a trusted friend so that they can pray over you and your family. Also, consider seeking a Christian counselor who will walk beside you and offer you sage advice while loving, supporting, and encouraging you on this hard journey.
When to Get Professional Help for Your Teen
So, now the question remains, should you seek professional help for your teen? And if so, will your teen even be willing to go? While I can’t answer those questions for you, I can say for certain that doing nothing about it won’t make this turmoil go away. This is not a case where time will make things better. Time is of the essence here!
As much as I have said, “I can’t do this anymore,” and I practically wanted to just give up, I was also telling our daughter that I was giving up on her. In my faulty actions, I allowed her to believe she wasn’t worth fighting for. That said, getting our daughter professional help has been both hard and humbling, but it has also been the best thing we ever did!
First, find a faith-based counselor or psychologist who specializes in teen behavior so they can offer you the best insight and helpful ways to move forward. Yes, it’s about moving forward. While there are some counselors who specialize in either male or female clients, it’s important that you meet with them first to gain a better understanding of the treatments they provide while also giving them a clear picture of where you are coming from as the parents.
Yes, this takes time and research and can be costly. Plan accordingly, and look into your local church first if you feel completely overwhelmed, as the pastoral team may be able to offer services or can at least point you in the right direction.
There is hope. Keep fighting, momma!
A Prayer for You and Your Teen
Father, we are so grateful that You are walking beside us and charge on before us in each and every season of our lives. You already know the heavy hearts we carry in this season, raising a teenager who is struggling. You also know their inner struggles and battles. You know the nature of their hearts and what is causing this dissonance. They are Your child first, and we know You deeply love them. So, we bring our hearts before You and humbly seek Your wisdom, discernment, and guidance as parents. Please help us in this grave time of need. Lead the way and show us where to gain the help and support we need to grow as a family and get back to creating more peace and harmony. We also ask that You forgive us where we have failed as parents and where we have failed You. We are in need of Your mercy and grace. We love You and trust You can do great things, so please help us fight this battle to win back the hearts of our children. Amen.
Related Resource: The 7 Biggest Reasons Gen Z is Leaving the Faith
Studies show that a majority of kids raised in Christian homes leave the faith when they leave the nest. It is vital that we understand the primary reasons why young people no longer believe if we want to help them return to the faith. In this episode of Christian Parent/Crazy World, Catherine and Laurie discuss new research that tells us 7 core reasons why young people are bailing on Christianity.
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