Jesus' birth came exactly when it was supposed to. He’s still King. And He deserves my presence now and always.
Christmas had come and gone. A day I typically look forward to 364 days a year. More than any other holiday.
It was my first Christmas as a married woman. But instead of joy, I felt sorrow. Instead of peace, I felt overwhelmed and depleted. Instead of glee, I felt the confusion of too many emotions.
Sometimes, those of us who struggle with over-productivity and unmet expectations can get lost in the lackluster appeal. And if tunnel vision blocks our sight, we just might miss the beauty around us. We’re too busy worrying about the cookies that didn’t get decorated, the decorations we purchased but never removed from the box, or the traditions we wished to uphold but didn’t.
Is Jesus Still King of Our Hearts?
Before we know it, Christmas and our lives are less about Him and more about all the things we wish we’d achieved (Matthew 15:1-12). And in my mind on Christmas morning, I was bitter.
Christmas Eve had been lovely. My husband and I were able to minister to our Church with a group dance, and my immediate family surprised us by coming. Later that evening, we spent time with my husband’s family and attended a late Christmas Eve service. We thoroughly enjoyed being back at our old church, and because I got to sing and Ben got to run sound, we had a blast. What was not a blast was going to bed at 12:30 and waking early the next morning. Did I mention I’m grumpy when I don’t get enough sleep?
Christmas morning, I stumbled from my bed to the den where I decided to spend some time with the Lord. I read the Christmas Story and Jesus' birth. How Mary was in awe and praised the God who called her to such an unpredictable and scary task. I read how a sweet baby would later be crucified on a cross as a perfectly sinless man. For my sins. For people who hated him. For the people that hung him there.
And I thought to myself, If I was Mary, would I have praised God for this gift or been too scared to accept the call? Would I have welcomed the tasks not on the to-do list, or run away in fear? Would I have believed the Angel of the Lord, or asked Him to choose someone else?
I thought of the story of Lazarus. Would I have believed Jesus could heal me? Or my brother? My mind flashed to Mary and Martha. Would I have sat at Jesus' feet or been too busy completing all the tasks?
Despite my usual hour of reading the Bible, I often struggle to focus. To not be on autopilot mode when I should be thinking about the Pilot. Hectic thoughts often fill my mind. What truly matters eludes me.
All I can think about is the tasks undone. How I’ve failed. How I need to do more. How everything is imperfect. How messy I feel inside and out. How my first Christmas married didn’t measure up to what I wished it had. A deeper and more important question resounds: but is Jesus still the King of my heart?
When Unmet Expectations Are Reality
The reality was that my unmet expectations were piling up. Piling up like the last-minute gifts my husband and I ordered from Amazon but still hadn't received.
We didn’t get a cute picture in matching pajamas opening our presents.
Snow didn’t grace us with its presence.
The house lacked garland that sat on the floor waiting to be hung.
Gifts came in late.
We didn’t see zoo lights.
National Trail Raceway moved the drive-through light display too far away.
A gingerbread house was never purchased.
The sugar cookies tasted horrible.
We ran out of time to string popcorn and cranberries.
I cried at least 12 times that day.
A half-finished Hallmark movie still rests on my laptop.
Looking back, I realize that the advice my husband gave me that day was what Jesus would probably tell me 365 days a year: “Don’t let your plans not going the way you thought they should go prevent you from enjoying the present moment.”
We just need to open our minds to see it:
The family who, though they are chaotic, grace our lives with their presence.
The house, though messy, exudes peace, safety, and warmth.
The job we hate is still a blessing to those we pour the light of Jesus into.
The gifts, though not perfectly wrapped, still shine with great thought and care.
The imperfections, remind us of our need for our Savior.
The Reality of Why Jesus Came
Christ didn’t come so I could have the perfect Christmas, perfect life, and perfect family, just as Jesus didn’t come to keep plans, customs, and traditions the way they’d always been, or the way we always desire them (Matthew 5:17; Matthew 15:3-9). He didn’t even come to grant our greatest wishes.
Jesus was born to save us from ourselves. Our sins. Our mistakes. Our strivings to be perfect. Our downfalls we'd make today, tomorrow, the next year, and so on (1 Timothy 1:15). He even came for those of us who would reject Him and today may never accept Him (John 1:10-12).
We desire to be perfect and self-sufficient and look for rest in all the wrong places. He came to tell us to stop striving and seeking and to rest. To stop stressing and prepping and planning and just be (Matthew 11:28-30). And not just at Christmas but year-round.
Isn't that why He tells us to honor the Sabbath (Exodus 20:8), take care of our bodies (1 Corinthians 6:19), and lay our burdens down?
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light" (Matthew 11:28-30).
Christmas or not, Jesus wants to give us peace in a chaotic world. Isn’t that why He was born as a baby in a manger at a time when His world was filled with unrest?
Will we make time to seek Him? To seek peace? Or will we be like the people of His time who missed Him? Ignored the birth of a baby in a manger? A King being birthed into the world in the lowest of ways? A King defying all expectations and plans?
Next Christmas, I’m making it my goal to be in the present. To not miss the moment. Focus on what matters. And until then? I’m working on focusing on Jesus now. Looking for Him now. Seeking Him now.
In the messed up plans.
In the unmet expectations.
In the crazy family gatherings.
When Christmas chaos strikes today, tomorrow, the next day, and next year.
Because everything is still okay.
Jesus' birth came exactly when it was supposed to.
He’s still King.
And He deserves my presence now and always.
Agape, Amber
Photo Credit: ©Vladimir-Vladimirov
