Coping with Feeling “Unacceptable”

Vivian Bricker

Contributing Writer
Published Apr 17, 2024
Coping with Feeling “Unacceptable”

Jesus tells us that we will be recognized by our fruits. If you are not truly following Jesus, you will bear bad fruit. Turn to the Lord and ensure that your actions align with your faith.

Recently, I was watching “The Terminal,” starring Tom Hanks. Although this film was made many decades ago, I wanted to watch it because Tom Hanks is one of my favorite actors.

In the film, Tom Hanks plays Viktor Navorski, a man who is traveling from Krakozhia to New York City. He is traveling to New York to complete his father's dream of collecting autographs from jazz players.

Navorski runs into problems when his home country Krakozhia goes to war. This leads to Navorski not being able to return home nor can he go into New York City because he does not have a traveling visa.

When Navorski is told he cannot enter New York City, the acting field commissioner of the airport tells him that he is “unacceptable.” While the acting field commissioner is referring to unacceptable in a different way, it made me start thinking about all the times I have felt unacceptable.

Most of us have dealt with the feeling of being unacceptable at some point in our lives. We feel not good enough or as though we are never going to be able to achieve our goals.

These feelings can be taught to us as well as we can learn these feelings from our own experiences. As Christians, it is important to know how to cope with these feelings and allow them to pass.

Being Told You Are Unacceptable

The first time I remember being told I was unacceptable was in the sixth grade. Sixth grade was a tough year for me, as it is for many people. It is a time of having to change schools, having to make new friends, and going through puberty.

During the time of sixth grade, all of my teachers were cruel. I cannot remember one nice teacher during that specific year.

My math teacher used to give math tests every Friday and if everyone passed, each kid would receive one piece of candy. The cruel part was that he would read out each kid’s name, followed by their test grade.

If a person made below an 80, he would not read it out loud, but as kids, we were smart enough to know whose name wouldn’t be called. Week after week, my name was not called because I was not passing the math tests.

I’ll admit that math has never been my strong suit, but the learning environment in that school was terrible. Think of very rich kids who believe they are better than you, and you will have a good idea of what I was going through.

Due to my name not being called each week, the kids started calling me stupid. This didn’t help since they were already calling me fat and ugly. As one can imagine, this affected me deeply.

I think the worst part is that the teachers would go along with the students and never discipline them for their cruelty. I suppose it was because the teachers were no better than the students. And to think all of this cruelty just for one single piece of candy.

If you have read previous articles of mine, you probably already know that due to the bullying, I endured in sixth grade, my mom took me out of school to come home to do homeschooling along with my two sisters.

Shortly after coming home to be homeschooled, I developed anorexia, and I am pretty sure the genesis of my eating disorder was founded in the cruel comments from the teachers and the students at the middle school I attended.

As we can see, horrible environments will cause many negative consequences. Being called unacceptable or being made to feel unacceptable is not right. Nobody should do this because it will cause problems for the person who is being told they are unacceptable or are treated as such.

We Are Accepted by God

As I have gotten older, I still have days when these memories will come into my mind. Although the memories are never pleasant, I have learned to cope with them.

I wish I could make these memories go away, but they aren’t going anywhere. I have had to learn how to cope with them and to know that I am enough because of Jesus (Colossians 2:10). I am not unacceptable — I am acceptable because of Jesus.

Through Jesus, we are all acceptable. We all fall short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23) and this includes everyone who was in that middle school.

While they might think that they are better than others because they can succeed academically, they are still sinners in need of a Savior. How their evil behavior has never convicted them is beyond me, but it just shows how deprived mankind can become.

All of us are not good enough because of our sins. It is only through placing faith in Jesus that we become good enough and acceptable because of the finished work of Jesus on the cross.

Through placing faith in Jesus, we are given a new life, forgiveness of sins, and redemption. The Bible tells us this truth, “In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace” (Ephesians 1:7).

We are accepted and beloved by the Creator of the world. Even though others might have told us that we are unacceptable, we don’t have to give them the time of day.

Most of the time, these people don’t even know us. They are just bullies and snobs who want to make us feel bad. Don’t pay any mind to them because they are not worth your time.

Instead of focusing on people who have said you are unacceptable or have made you feel unacceptable, focus on the Lord and what He says. The Bible tells us that God chose us and loved us before the creation of the world (Ephesians 1:4-6).

Since this is true, we can rest in the beauty of knowing that we are loved by God Himself. When we focus on the love of God rather than the hatred of mankind, we can truly live joyful lives and this is what God wants us to do.

Lessons as We Get Older

As I have gotten older, I have stopped paying attention to the hatred that is directed at me. Many people hate others just because of the way they look, the way they talk, or where they grew up. None of these things are Christian.

The Bible is clear that nobody should show partiality (James 2:1-13). If you are giving special attention to someone because they look a certain way, have an eloquent voice, or grew up in a wealthy home, then you are disobeying God.

All people are equal at the foot of the cross (Galatians 3:28). A key way we can curtail people feeling unacceptable is to stop showing favoritism.

Rather than showing favoritism, there needs to be equality. If this is something that is hard for you, turn to the Lord in repentance and ask for His help. The Lord will help you if you truly want to change and turn from your ways.

Nobody should be made to feel unacceptable. As Christians, it is our privilege to help others know that they are loved by God. You can do this today by repenting of any partiality, turning to the Lord, and starting to treat all people the same.

Many people downplay God’s punishments, but you will be punished if you choose to continue to hurt others and to be mean.

Jesus tells us that by our fruits, we will be recognized (Matthew 7:15-20). If you are not truly following Jesus, you will bear bad fruit. Turn to the Lord and ensure that your actions align with your faith.

Nobody will bring glory to God’s Name by hurting others, putting them down, and treating them as though they are not good enough. All people are loved by God, and it is time for more Christians to start extending love rather than hate.

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Vivian BrickerVivian Bricker loves Jesus, studying the Word of God, and helping others in their walk with Christ. She has earned a Bachelor of Arts and Master's degree in Christian Ministry with a deep academic emphasis in theology. Her favorite things to do are spending time with her family and friends, reading, and spending time outside. When she is not writing, she is embarking on other adventures.