But when were we told that we weren’t supposed to do hard things? Can anything really be too hard with Jesus on our side?
Most adoptive families in my community say that they had been drawn to adoption long before they adopted. They each have a story of how they reached the point when they decided to follow through on their desire. Most people experience roadblocks, self-imposed or otherwise, on their path to adoption. Most people have plenty of excuses as to why they shouldn’t or can’t or won’t adopt. This may sound harsh, but the truth is that most of the reasons that people don’t want to adopt are ultimately selfish. I’m not going to argue that we should never make a selfish decision; I know I have made plenty. I would also never argue that we should ever make a major decision just to combat selfishness. If we adopt to try to “prove” that we aren’t selfish, it’s probably not going to go real well for us or for the children. But I also know that we have to look deep inside and be honest with ourselves about our motivations. If selfishness or fear are getting in the way of a call from the Lord, we are hurting ourselves.
Let’s consider some of the most often-used reasons to not adopt:
Adoption is too expensive. That is true. It is super expensive and that is incredibly frustrating. Our son’s adoption cost more than what some people make in a year. That’s the nature of the process when you are dealing with governments and lots of legalities. We want to make sure every adoption is completed legally and ethically, but the cost of that can rise high. However, most couples who adopt do not end up paying for the entire adoption on their own. There are tons of grants and fundraisers and kind-hearted people who will help with the finances.
Adoption is too hard. It’s true that adoption is super, super hard and incredibly exhausting. Our son has special needs, which really takes its toll on our whole family. Even families who adopt children without special needs face the trauma of previous experiences and the transition to a new family. But when were we told that we weren’t supposed to do hard things? Can anything really be too hard with Jesus on our side? Jesus told us that we would face troubles in this world, but He also told us not to worry too much about that because He has overcome the world (John 16:33). Truthfully, most things that are worth anything are hard.
Adoption is too scary. That is true. It is super scary and there are so many unknowns, and that is incredibly intimidating. We don’t know all the details of our children’s family histories or experiences before us or what will happen in the future. It is overwhelming at times. I am scared of what will happen to my son when I am too old to care for him. But I don’t have space to write all of the Bible verses where God tells us to “Fear not.”
Caring for Orphans
We don’t have to look very hard to see that God cares about orphans and calls us to as well. We are adopted into God’s family through the blood of Jesus. God uses this language and model of adoption because it matters to Him. He created adoption as a beautiful, redemptive plan to create families when biological families are broken. He clearly tells us to care for orphans. “Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world” (James 1:27, NIV). While not everyone is called to adopt, everyone is commanded to look after orphans. We each have a role to play for the betterment of children all over our world.
Adoption
There are many different ways to adopt: domestic, international, through foster care, infant, older child, and special needs. It can be overwhelming to even think about all the options! If adoption tugs at your heartstrings, the first thing to do is pray and listen. The Holy Spirit will guide you in your decision. If you are married, you and your spouse need to be in agreement with this major decision, although most adoptive families say that one spouse was further along in their desire and motivation than the other. While you may be at different levels, you must both at least be on the same page. Your relationship matters deeply to any future children you may have.
After you have made the decision to adopt, an important next step is to find a community of adoptive families. This can be online or in person, but you must hear real-life stories and have people you can go to with questions and for support. It is not easy to walk this road alone, so seek out your support group before you need them.
Foster Care
Most areas in our country have a significant need for foster families. The ultimate goal of foster care is reunification with the birth family. That is not always possible, but as the process is worked out, children need a safe, loving place to stay. Whether you are interested in foster to-adopt or traditional foster care, this is a beautiful way to care for children in need right in your area. A friend recently spoke to me about the wonderful ministry opportunity of foster care. As foster parents, you get the chance to meet and love the biological parents. Not only can you care for their sweet children, but you can model a healthy relationship, healthy choices, and the love of Jesus to the parents. Foster care is emotionally challenging, but think of what the kids are going through. Another friend told me, “People say they are afraid they will get hurt, but kids are definitely getting hurt.”
Do Something!
So, are you called to adopt? I don’t know. That’s between you and God. According to UNICEF, there are approximately 147 million orphans in the world, and according to US Child Welfare, there are nearly 400,000 children in foster care in the US. I want every loving Christian family to care for one of these kids. Can you imagine the impact?! If every family took in one child, that number would greatly decrease and these children would experience love, stability, nutrition, and Christ! But, no one should be talked into adoption. I am not here for that. You just need to open your heart and close your mouth and listen to what the Holy Spirit is telling you.
No matter what, we can be confident that we are all called to care for the least of these. Maybe you will foster or adopt. But if you don’t, you must do something. Find a way to support these kids. Help out adoptive and foster families. Serve in your community. Start a scholarship fund for adoptive families. Host showers for families who are bringing in children through adoption and foster care. Volunteer at a shelter or soup kitchen. Help at a local school. There are numerous ways to get involved. Be on the lookout for how you can care for orphans or children in need.
Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/Nastco
Megan Moore is a military spouse and mom of 3 (through birth and adoption). A speech-language pathologist by training, she now spends her time moving around the country every couple of years. She is passionate about special needs, adoption, and ice cream.
