It’s here! Summertime, summertime, sum-sum-summertime! You’re ready to do all the dad things, right? The list is long.
Mow the lawn, trim the bushes, pressure wash the house, reseal windows and roof leaks, and clean out the vehicles from the long winter. And then there’s the summer calendar.
Yep. It’s filled up too. Sporting events, family vacations, church commitments, work commitments, and before you know it, guess what? School’s starting!
But let’s not go too fast. Because you know what’s over there, standing in the shadows, watching your every move? Your daughter. Yep. She’s been watching you, Dad, since the day she was born.
Because you are the epitome of the ultimate superhero, the protector, the model for who will be her own personal hero in her future, and so on, or you should be.
On the other hand, you also have the potential to destroy those perceptions. A hero can fast become too busy, too preoccupied, to irritable, too impatient, too ____________ (insert your word here).
The truth of the matter is, statistics support the claim that girls who grow up with invested fathers have healthier relationships, a higher percentage of successful marriages, a stronger self-image, and are less likely to be victimized.
So. While you’re looking at your summertime to-do list. Let’s think up some activities you can do with your little princess (or almost grown princess).
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Ok. Don’t discount football as just your son’s favorite sport. I remember one day, my dad asked me if I wanted to go “throw a ball around” as he tossed the football between his hands. I was so excited!
Not only did I get to do “guy stuff” with my dad, but I got to be as cool as my older brother. I was also absolutely horrible at football and learned it wasn’t in the cards for me, but not all girls will have that experience.
The truth is some dads still subscribe to the old philosophy that girls don’t do boy sports. That’s not so true anymore. So, give your daughter a chance to tackle you in the backyard. See if she might have a “punter” in her future. Or even quarterback.
And while you’re at it, see what sport maybe suits her the most and pursue it with her in a casual, non-team-competition sort of way. Baseball? Go toss a ball for a while. Soccer? Kick it back and forth.
Golf? There’s no shortage of courses and if she’s little, try mini golf. Wrestling? Well. I’ve seen quite a few girls pin their dads to the ground. Guess it might be your turn!
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Oh yes. My dad played dolls with me. I’ll never forget it. He probably won’t either. But the truth of the matter is, he figured out a way to do it where neither of us were uncomfortable, and both of us had fun.
Because I was a dolls sort of girl — or more specifically, stuffed animals — we went on an excursion where I was allowed to pick two “friends” to accompany us.
This excursion was a gentle hiking trip at a state park, a peanut butter and jelly sandwich picnic, a canteen of water, two walking sticks, and a backpack for each of us.
Dad toted the essentials while I toted my “friends.” With two stuffed animals wrapped in a blanket and tucked gently into my pack, I made sure their faces could peek out of my pack, and we went on a trip to remember.
You see, little girls especially don’t expect their dads to have the time of day for frivolous things like stuffed animals or dolls.
But the joy you can bring to your daughter’s imagination is huge, and the validation that what she values, you value, shows her that you value her.
Read that again. It’s a bit of a tongue-twister, but you get the point.
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Are these still a thing? They were when I was a kid. When I was a teen too, so, gauge it accordingly based on your daughter’s age, but the idea of taking your daughter out for an evening dinner shouldn’t be antiquated.
Little girls may love to be fancy, so be prepared to don a suit and tie. Or perhaps your little girl is more of a tomboy. Then throw on the tennis shoes and go have some food.
If your daughter is a teenager, you’ll want to take a less assertive approach. It may be a more casual, “Hey, you want to go catch dinner”?
You don’t have to break the bank either. Ask your daughter where their destination restaurant is. If they pick over budget, you can steer them away from it, but the odds are good — unless they’re knowledgeable foodie teenagers — that they’re going to pick something familiar.
Then — and here’s the kicker — when you go? Don’t look at your phone. Don’t check your email. Don’t answer texts. Don’t look at the scores online. They’ll wait.
This is the moment to show your daughter that she is the center of your world. That this time together is important. You don’t even have to have a conversational agenda.
Just talk. Talk about what she likes to talk about. If you sit in silence for a while, that’s okay too. Sometimes the quietness is bonding also.
So don’t force anything. Just be. Just be with your girl and show her by your presence that you respect and value her.
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I think sometimes we believe to spend quality time with our kids we have to set aside an entire afternoon or day. But even thirty minutes can make a huge difference. Consider asking your daughter to go for a walk with you on a cool summer night.
Head out and grab some ice cream at the downtown ice cream shop. Maybe see if she wants to pull out a board game for a half-hour bit of downtime and fellowship.
Here’s a secret tip: girls generally like to talk. They want to communicate. But they won’t if they don’t see you as a safe listener, or as a judgmental censure, or someone who will instantly try to “fix” their problem. Focus on listening. Focus on hearing everything they have to say.
Even if 80% of it seems like nonsense, if your daughter can discover she can share her hopes and dreams and struggles and even daily life with you, think of the ways she’ll potentially allow you to be involved with her life as she grows up.
Dads, I’ll never forget the time my daughter was struggling with a friend issue in elementary school. She came to me, and I listened, as moms are wont to do. I offered some advice. I offered a hug. I tried a litany of things, but nothing seemed to work.
Finally, she stepped back and with all the non-discriminatory honesty, my daughter looked at me and said, “I’m going to go talk to Daddy about this. He just gets me better than you do.”
After I got over my mom-hurt, I realized she had just given her dad one of the biggest gifts a daughter could ever give a father. Their trust and respect.
So don’t waste it, dads, and by all means, make her the priority this summer. Because one day soon, she’ll walk away, and if you don’t give her a good reason, she may never come back.
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